Tuesday, June 24, 2008

So this is what adulthood feels like?

So I still have a year to go before I graduate from my masters degree, however a year has never seemed so short. I am used to time seeming so fast when I look back but now I am thinking of all that I need to do before that year is up, scratch that, make that 10 ½ months and I start to get a tightness in my chest and I wonder what the hell I am going to do.
The future and responsibilities and all that jazz has always seemed far away… After high school I got to hide on a mission for two years and not worry about everything, after my mission there was college, after college there were still two more years of grad school. Now I have been on this earth for over a quarter century, I guess its about time for me to start participating.
So my check list includes the normal end of school kinds of conundrums I guess although I would like to think that my stress and pressure is somehow greater than anyone else’s. This, of course, is a fallacy. Still as I make initial probes looking at the job market, realize that my student loans that have sky rocketed with the onset of grad school with no scholarships at all (thanks a whole freaking lot AU!!! Jerks!!) and that the economy is indeed in recession, whether my incompetent president likes to admit it or not, and think about any other possibilities that come with adulthood and their fun times responsibilities (do I have to buy life insurance now, do I have to stop traveling all the time and “settle down”? what exactly is a 401-K plan and why does it sound like a breakfast cereal?) I cannot help but feel like I have one year till a giant bomb goes off right in the middle of my sheltered protected and privileged life.
Have I prepared enough? Can you prepare enough? Am I going to have to work at McDonalds because there are no other jobs and if so will they accept my previous experience pushing tacos as an acceptable predecessor to their fast past burger world? I gotta tell you sometimes disappearing in Latin America and saying good bye to everything seems rather tempting.
For all the heart seizing panic that comes with the concept of finally becoming a full fledged adult, there is also a sense of excitement. I am about to embark on a great journey, diving head first into the concrete swimming pool that is orthodontist appointments, stock portfolios and weekends spent doing house repairs (which I am more than positive would be positively correlated with phone calls to my dad just to check in and oh by the way… how the hell do I sweat pipes?) Yeah… definitely kind of exciting. I still have a long way to go though, still have many an obstacle to overcome and I am sure I will have quite a few miniature mental breakdowns while trying to figure out what to do.
Anyway, just some thoughts of what’s on my mind. As far as Liberia, well I am facilitating a human rights workshop for local community advocates. It has made me realize how much of a role my mom’s work as a parent teacher advocate when I was a kid has had on me. Now that I look back I can see a direct line from the work she did fight with Marquette Area Public Schools to make sure that my brother or any other mentally or physically handicapped student in the district got each and every right that was accorded to them by the laws and my own work to speak up for those that don’t have a voice and try to steer the world towards the higher road. So it’s all your fault mom, are you happy? Alright I am ignoring this quality movie that was bootlegged onto a vhs tape about 15 years ago when it was shown on TV and then it was burned to DVD. Now the picture looks like you are looking at it through a glass of water and listening to it through a pillow. But if I concentrate really hard I can almost tell what’s going on and I think it’s a pretty good movie.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

You bet ya, I am!
I think there might even be a few noble causes left in America and a few people here that could benefit from a helping hand, I could be wrong since we are all suppose to be living the American dream but unfortunately some folks caught lost in the American nightmare

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, the fear of growing up and being an adult. I feel that pain as well, though I do not hide in foreign countries just behind temp jobs and video games. I don't even feel like an adult sometimes, but I am, much to my dismay. I pay bills, I work, but I do find times to play. I'm glad I still live with my mom since most of my friends still do anyway. Pretty much as soon as I graduated, I played it cool then I started working. So I work and travel to Seattle or California, whichever one I miss the most.

Though, I am excited at the new possiblities in the world and I hope that I can experience everything I want to.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Matt. So this is why you were so calm when I was freaking out over a year ago - you knew you had plenty of time to delay the madness. I still don't know what the exact specifications of a 401(k) are, but I can tell you that I will think of a breakfast cereal whenever they are mentioned, thanks to you. You are one of the most mature-minded, independent people I have ever had the privilege of meeting, and I know (with absolute certainty) that you will do incredibly amazing things in your lifetime, and that everyone around you is better for knowing you. Plus, you were the one who told me that the money will work itself out, so don't go sweating the loans just yet. Mateo, I adore you and am so proud of all that you have done, are currently doing and what you will do.

Matt said...

Oh poster child, you make me smile. When do i get to see you my friend? You know i might have been lying when i said not to stress the money and that it would all work out. it sounded like it would calm you down at the time but now that its me, its another story.

Rachel my dear, I dont know what you are talking about. there is nothing un-adult about video games. I wouldnt mind bumming it between seattle, california and Hawaii... I could definitely think of some worse things to do with my life. And I sincerely hope you get to experience everything you want as well.

Anonymous said...

Vente conmigo a Chile!Siempre habrá trabajo para ti allí!Podremos ser felices bailando por las eternidades!;-)