something or other, some Pete So My festivities actually began on the Sunday prior to the election. Well scratch that, they began the week before when Jen and I were chatting while we were supposed to be working (your tax dollars put to good work) and one of Jen's co-workers made manifest to her that there was to be a free concert on Sunday with no other than one miss Shakira (you may know her as the Colombian sensation that can swivel her hips so fast, and in seemingly inhuman directions, that she has pulled ligaments in her back, now is when i squeal like a 13 year old girl at an NSYNC concert) and her good friend the ever so beautiful Beyonce ( I know what you are thinking and no dad, beyonce did not sing her hit song "me so booty-licious"). There were some other people there too but who can really remember them I mean Bruce SpringstineSeger guy and some group from Ireland... U5 or something like that, who can really keep these things straight when Shakira and Beyonce are on the mind ( now is when you can make all the "hips don't lie" jokes you want). So Jen and I decided to hit up the first part of church and then (mom don't read the rest of the paragraph) went back to my apartment and changed out of church clothes and put on our Eskimo gear. It was cold, by my estimation it was at least -2000 degrees, at least.
So we hop on the metro and follow the mass of other equally bundled up people in what looked to be the million hobo march. Upon leaving the metro station we were immediately bombarded people selling every sort of ware that you could possibly fathom. No really, I mean just imagine something that might be related to Obama (an obama waffle iron/lamp/massage chair) and it was being sold. My personal favorite were the Obama condoms (1 for three dollars) that an extremely over caffeinited guy with an Obama bedazzled shirt offered me. I lamentably declined his offer, though i felt it quite nice of him. Anyway we walked the rest of the way to the National mall an cleared security (Jen was able to smuggle in a sandwhich the size of a bazooka in her back pocket, sneaky huh? well actually she really didn't but I wish that she had cause man was I hungry). We tried to find a spot that was unclaimed by the sea of people and their blankets. it was funny because some people defended the boundaries of their blanket like one of those red necks that sit in their lawn chairs along the US border and shoot at little kids and women trying to cross in, while others could have cared less. We had the unfortunate experience of first trying to stake a claim next to what turned out to be a rather militant family who was lead by their fierce warlord dictator (I think her name was Barb) who immediately descended upon us with vicious halitosis and informed us that we were not welcome there and that we needed to move on. She quickly called the attention of her surrounding neighbors who all joined in the growing cacophony of the mob calling for our beheading or that we keep moving... so in a brilliant stroke of sage like wisdom Jen and I moved about 10 feet in front of them and found ourselves in the sphere of influence of the my blanket is your blanket people. We had found our utopia... and even better was that this let me stand right in front of the people that had just yelled at us and let me block their view... that's what you get angrly little hobbit people!!!!
Anyway the rest of the concert was pretty amazing and after every song the entire crowd strained to see who wsa the next star to be performing since therre was no program and we were so far back that all you could see were little specks of humans up on the stage... even the jumbo tron was of little assistance. In the end we stood for about 6 hours only 1.5 hours of that was actually with music the rest of it was just sitting around trying not to be cold, waiting for the music to start and watching stupid people fall out of trees and off porta potties. Once the concert ended we all sort of mosied our way out into the rest of the city which had effectively been shut down by a bunch of baby faced soldiers that were apparently all deployed from Oklahoma or at least thats how wholesome and cuddly they looked.
Whew... that was just the concert. we haven't even gotten to Inauguration yet... good gracious... ok if you need to take a break I understand, but then come back and read the rest of this or the terrorists win and a bald eagle dies and you are not a terrorist are you?
Alright, so Tuesday finally arrived. Jen drove over to my place and stood in a parking spot and looked menacingly at everyone that drove by and tried to talk me out of the spot. I even had to steal cage fight an old grandma for it, don't be fooled though, she had crazy Brazilian ju jitzu moves that were nuts. Thankfully I am fat so i just sort of sat on her, anyway, i digress. We went to get on the metro but where I live is sort of the middle of the metro line, which means that by the time they got down to us they were completely full so we watched about 3 trains pass us before we decided that the next train to come we were going to get on. we spaced ourselves appropriately, hugged each other goodbye in case any of us were smothered by the crowd and or burst into flames from all the friction of wearing 10 layers and when the next train came we catapulted ourselves into the doors. We got out at Arlington Cemetery and walked across the bridge into DC. There were all of these volunteers along the way that were really peppy and happy and cheering and what not. It was quite nice. It started you smiling right off the bat. We met up with my good friend Cayla and her cousin who apparently comes from the molasses side of Cayla's family because i think she was walking backwards she was so slow. anyway. we started at the Washington memorial and then started walking towards capital building. For those of you that are un familiar with DC and its amazing grandeur, the national mall is three miles long. There is the Lincoln Memorial on one end, a mile later is the Washington memorial in all its phallic two toned glory, and then a brief two mile jog away is the capital building. This is particularly troublesome when you have friends come in from out of town and they say they want to walk to all of the monuments not realizing the long distance between them, you try to warn them but they just don't listen, freaking buggers, so you end up walking like 18 miles in a day to go and look at the monuments. If there has ever been a place that is in dire need of a moving walk way, it is the national mall. OK back to our story... so we start out at the Lincoln memorial and walk up to the Washington memorial and see that there is still space in front of that so we keep walking. this is where the crowd begins to slow down and things get all bogged down. We find our way to a jumbo tron about two jumbo trons up from the Washington monument and we hunker down. There is another militant family in front of us but in a stroke of luck, this family is marshaled by an ex panther dad who looks at me and sees my large stature and sees a potential ally. We join teams in a quick ceremony involving , chemical hand warmers and random American flags that are in copious supply and instantly become bffs working to thwart any attempt by any intruders to break through our inner ring of sanctum and cross in front of us. I realize that I have become one of those that i despise but I am ok with this cause my view of the Jumbo tron is kick ass, plus I am afraid to disappoint the guy in front of me cause i am fairly certain he will shoot me... and it will hurt.
We again arrive about three thousand hours before it starts and stand around staying warm and making jokes about the various political figures that are shown on the jumbo tron. Then finally Diane Feinstein that siren of the senate's voice comes through loud and clear telling us to please stand for the entrance of the dignitaries... this is of course the most absurd thing we have heard in our lives since we have no other option than to sit, unless of course we would like to sit on each other (I will admit that the thought crossed my mind but I decided that if is squashed Jen, then she wouldn't marry me.) so we just stayed standing. Aretha Franklin came on stage and did her thing and we were all mesmerized, there was a prayer or something in which Rick Warren pronounced the president's daughters really really weird "sASHa and MEEEEEEELia," freaking weirdo. After that, to give the event some culture and placate the smarter people in the crowd, yo yo ma and Isac Pearlman and some other people that were not nearly as famous as the other two there by not making them worth my time played a beautiful song, except not really. turns out it was just a tape of what they had done earlier but i didn't know that t the time and it was quite beautiful. After that Biden took his oath of office as Vice President at which I was relieved that even if Obama keeled over of a freak pancreas explosion that very moment that the vice president to take over power would no longer by Darth Va... I mean Dick Cheney (man is that guy evil. I know this isn't very christian and or charitable of me but I can't wait for that man to spend the rest of eternity burning in hell for all he has done).... and we're back... after that Barack stood to take the oath and he crowd held its breath... and then and then... Chief Justice Roberts totally messes up! its like all of 32 words and he couldn't even get them right? they are int he freaking constitution!!! you are supposed to be slightly familiar with the document if you are going to be the chief justice of the supreme court!!!!! anyway, Obama and Roberts figured it out and the crowd went wild. People cried, the kind of crying that only comes once in a life time when you see something so monumental and historic that you know you are seeing a miracle. It was an incredible well of emotion that just boiled up to the top. There was hugging and high fives for everyone around and the cheers continued forever. Obama gave his address which was nothing short of spectacular and the crowd responded with sincere intonations of agreement and hope. It was amazing. The feeling was palpable, you could have reached out and grabbed the feeling of change and hope in the air... and I am not talking about some sort of fuzzy campaign promise or a Hallmark gift card emotion kind of thing, I mean real hope that the many real problems that we have in this world can actually be overcome and we can make the world better for tomorrow than it was today...It was beautiful just beautiful. You all should have seen it I am so glad i got to be part of history.
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3 comments:
wow that was much more dramatic than I remembered it being. I would like to add, however, that we made friends with the couple next to us at the concert, to the point where the husband graciously offered Matt his binoculars when Shakira came onstage (it was more like he was battering Matt with his arms though Matt couldn't feel it and screaming "SHAKIRA!! SHAKIRA!!") and then Matt took the binoculars with shaking hands and screamed like a little girl the entire time she was onstage. She tops the list of Women Matt Would Leave Me For.
She definitely does, but I think that was my chance right there and I don't think I will ever get that close again. I like that close is being defined by being able to see her like a tiny ant in the distance. Anyway, I don't think that one is ever going to happen now.
i forgot you had a blog..... at first i was psyched to hear about your experience there, but after maybe two sentances, i just wanted to hear your dramatic exaggerations. they kept getting better and better....
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